


The Curse of Determination

by ZackdasBohne



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Despair, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Feral Edelgard von Hresvelg, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Time Travel, no beta - we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZackdasBohne/pseuds/ZackdasBohne
Summary: As Edelgard von Hresvelg was killed in the halls of the Imperial Palace she thought that would be the end of it. But when she instead surprisingly finds herself 6 years in the past her determination to reform Fodlan flames up again. But she would soon learn that this wasn't the last time.Edelgard doesn't even know how many lives she lived by now, but she knows how everyone of them will go and end by now. And she knows that cursed teal haired woman that ends them most of the time.She tries until she breaks down, only to be saved by something she would have never thought she could like.Something unexpected.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 10
Kudos: 89





	1. The first End

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the first chapter of this fanfiction. I am normally not a big fan of very angsty or sad fics but the topic here demands it probably. That said, I don't intend to let this to be too tragic or horrific. 
> 
> This fic was inspired by my thoughts about the different in game routes, some scrapped ideas of the developers and other fanfictions where something very similar happens, just with Byleth and a little bit different. 
> 
> And now I wish for you to enjoy this first chapter and don't forget to leave kudos or comments if you like it! Thanks!

The Emperor heard the noises of battle outside long before the doors to the throne room were breached open. She heard the war cries, the angry shouts, the pained voices and finally the silence after. Her enemies rushed in, engaged and soon killed her last remaining troops as she already knew she and her revolution would die today. Hubert was very successful in gathering as many remaining troops as possible for the defense of Enbarr, but realistically the war was lost since the deciding battles at Gronder and Fort Merceus. 

The death of Prince Dimitri was at least somewhat of a compensation for the defeat against the Alliance’s army on Gronder Field but the destruction of Fort Merceus was downright devastating. But it wasn’t like Hubert to just give up and when his work ethic was unhealthy before, now it became insane as his days just got even longer and longer since then. He sweared that he will keep the damn Knights of Seiros away from the imperial palace until his last breath. Now they were here...

Hubert… 

That they breached the doors must have meant that they have defeated Petra, the best swords woman Edelgard has ever seen. But the death of the Brigidian princess while defending the imperial throne room was only the last nail in the Emperors coffin, if she would even be granted such a thing like a coffin. The Brigid people will be fuming with rage and probably demand the emperors head in vengeance. 

Petra… 

Well, it is not like that mattered anymore, since she will be long dead by the hands of her executioners right before her, before the message ever reached Brigid. “Kinda cowardly of me” she thought, but even she couldn’t cheat death. At least they could be assured that she will definitely burn in hell for declaring war on a not caring or cruel goddess. If any of that even exists, which she highly doubted. She doesn’t fear it either way. She had experienced hell already. 

While she was lost in thoughts her opponents already made it to the end of the stairs leading to her throne. And the ones leading them were Claude and … her. The teal haired ex-mercenary and ex-professor with the historical ‘Sword of the Creator’ in her hands. 

Byleth… 

The young Emperor stood up and grabbed her own weapon. She knew of course how this battle would end but she wouldn’t go down just that easily. 

“So you think you can defeat me my teacher?” Edelgard challenged but Byleth didn’t answered besides her stare. “Even if I lose all my limbs, I will still find a way to walk on my path!” Edelgard continued. This speech was really mainly to steel herself once more for her final battle. 

Edelgard moved in to attack and tried a vertically swipe with her axe. But as always in her fights with Byleth, before the move even started the ex-mercenary seemed to predict it and immediately dodged to the right for swift retaliation. 

“As if she could read her enemies mind” Edelgard cursed as the chain-like blade hit her directly and even her armor of the highest quality wasn’t able to prevent the blade to tear itself into her chest and stomach. She let out a loud cry of pain and she didn’t even need to check the wound below the bloodied mess of her chest plate to know that she was done for. She would bleed to death after this decisive hit. It wasn’t the first time that she tasted the blade of the ‘Sword of the Creator’ but this time there was nowhere for her to retreat to and to get medical aid. She was cornered in her own throne room. “Oh damn goddess, it hurts so much! Damn this stupid weapon! Whoever made it must have had very sadistic tendencies to create a sword that doesn’t just cuts but completely rips it’s enemies apart.” the young royal almost lost her mind to the pain. Then she remembered that it was a relic of the Church. 

“Stop this madness Edelgard! We don’t want to kill you!” Claude yelled. 

“Claude” she can’t help but to sigh internally. For all of his tactical prowess and cunning mind he is terribly naive in these matters. Of course they want to kill her. The people of Fodlan would never accept just a prison sentence for her. They would either want their ‘Emperor’ free or the ‘tyrant’ dead. Imprisonment would only lead to more fighting. She wouldn’t accept it herself. A prison sentence sounds way more horrifying than any death in battle or public execution. What would even be her right for such “mercy”? When the soldiers fighting for her died, when genuinely good people like Ferdinand or Dorothea died, why should the instigator of it all deserves mercy? It would make her the exact same as all the nobles she despises. 

Ferdinand…  
Thea… 

The best is for her to die here and now. That is all she can now hope for anymore. But she feels already extremely weak… But she can’t lose consciousness yet! Because an unconscious foe is a medically treatable foe. It seems like she has to provoke them to bring it to an end.

“But I have to kill you! For the world I envision I will not stop until you or me are dead!” Edelgard exclaimed with all the determination she could muster. It was extremely bold for her to say that given the circumstances and a blind person may haven even thought that she still stood a chance but for everyone else it was clear how this would end. She honestly didn’t even knew if this comes of as determined that she will see her path through to the bitter end or is just received as arrogantly deluded.

“Well then, don’t worry. I will finish the job for you.” Claude said. And just as she saw the resignation on Claude’s face she felt the sharp pain from her leg where Failnaught hit her. It forced her to her knees right in front of Byleth and the mercanaries blade above her head. Finally even she could openly admit her defeat. 

“It seems that my path ends here though.” the royal gasped in exertion and pain. “You have bested me after all, my teacher. The one foe who gave me the most worries at the beginning of this war, the one that I didn’t wanted to amass, the one I should have felt relieve when I heard that they died but didn’t and the one to eventually come back and put a stop to my ambitions.” 

Byleth stands still before her, blade in her hands and poised at the head of the defeated emperor. But even still she hesitated to finish this. 

“You must strike me down, my teacher now! Even at this moment people all over Fodlan are still fighting each other. The way to put an end to all of this suffering is for you to find the courage walk forward on your way. The way that lies across my grave.” Edelgard all but cries. “Especially my suffering” she added in her mind. 

That seemed to do the trick. Byleth understood now the hopelessness of this whole situation for the proud woman before her. The commander of the Knights of Seiros lifted her sword to finally strike down the arch-heretic that had the audacity to point her weapon even against goddess herself.  
Edelgard waited for the blow with her eyes open. She wanted to face her hands not like victim but as someone who fought until this point. 

And maybe she just wanted to see Byleth without the lingering thoughts about their unavoidable confrontation. The last time was so long ago… 

“I wanted to walk this way with you...” and in the split second between her words and the impact she realized that she said that out aloud. 

Her mind was filled with immeasurable pain, but there was also this feeling of something rushing past all around her. No, it was her rushing trough it and when she opened her eyes she saw pictures of her life flickering in the ethereal light she was swimming trough. She saw the chaos of the battlefield, the long nights on her work desk and in endless talks, the fall of Garreg Mach, her declaration of war, her academy days filled with light and the first time she saw into those blue, unblinking eyes… The last thing she saw was the shape of curse, the Crest of Flames. 

When she closed her eyes she felt a terrible headache, as if it wanted split her head in two… which was honestly not very surprising feeling after what just happened. 

But she also felt that her face was covered in… dirt?! 

As she opened her eyes she saw only forrest ground, so early in morning that the sun rise had yet to happen. She tried to step up and realized that she was easily able to! The pain in her leg, her chest, her stomach, even the one in her head just… weren’t there anymore. As she looked around herself she saw two young man running before her. She saw that these two were Dimitri and Claude, but she didn’t understood it. After a few meters Dimitri turned around and called: “Edelgard, did you tripped, are you hurt? Claude said he saw the lights of village before us, maybe there is someone who can help us against these bandits!”

As if in trance Edelgard started running in silence, but inwardly her mind was screaming, in confusion, panic but most of all, hope.


	2. Deja-vues and Disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second chances bring hope.   
> Repeated failure desperation.   
> Trust is the foundation of a heartwarming relationship or friendship  
> Betrayal breaks ones heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing sorry to everyone who read the first chapter months ago and hoped the next would come soon. But university once again slapped hard. Either way, here is the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it, I am bad with these introduction things.

Edelgard didn’t knew what went wrong this time. Here she was again in her throne room, defeated after more than more than six years of war. But only this time she won’t meet her end at Byleth’s and Claude’s hands but instead at Byleth’s and Dimitri’s hands. She really tried to put her knowledge of the future to use to aid her cause, but all of it just seemed futile. As soon as Byleth reappeared a year ago her campaign became nothing but a series of defeats and failures, again.

Byleth…

Needless to say the Emperor had mixed feelings about the former mercenary. She has saved her life, twice now in fact and Edelgard still often found herself mesmerized by the woman, but on the other side Byleth became her strongest enemy and an ally or even friend to her sworn foe.

Also twice now in fact.

As the school year started Edelgard found herself to be more motivated than in all the years of war before to see her goals through. Of course she had to do everything again but this time she could do it even better she thought. It even appeared to her that maybe it was the goddess herself that resurrected her to destroy the false church once and for all. She had real hope for once.

She tried to find herself a better path, a better one in terms of victory chances, at making allies, at weakening or eliminating foes, she helped her classmates in training and picking classes that suited them to make them stronger than before, she even tried to bond with Byleth, Dimitri and Claude.

Well, she was foolishly wrong with her hopes and all she did was futile. Between the corrupted church, the vileness of TWSITD, Claude’s suspicions on everyone around him, Dimitri’s defending of the crest oriented society and later violent demeanor and lastly Byleth’s obedience to…

whatever, it was hardly possible to bring the great change she envisioned at the beginning.

Almost everything went as before. Thales only laughed about her suggestions and Byleth and Dimitri were too interested with each other to have a place for a third party.

After a few months of everything working out the almost exact same way she was disappointed and frustrated enough to resort to more… drastic means.

She told Hubert to poison Dimitri and Byleth.

The day Hubert had kitchen duty he prepared two meals which he noticed that the prince and his teacher ate regularly and mixed in a foreign, lethal, slow working poison from Morfis. The Fodlan centric Church would never be able to detect it. As he heard the two of them enter the dining hall he brought them to the counter and supervised the plates from a hidden spot to make sure it really were Dimitri and Byleth who took them. To his surprise however Byleth just took the meals and tossed them into the trash so hard even the plate itself broke and took the next ones as if nothing had happened.

As Hubert told the princess of his failure she didn’t seemed very surprised and instead told him to prepare a sniper to carry out the assassination at the end of the year when the army would already be on the way to Garreg Mach.

This attempt ended in failure as well. The sniper waited on the rooftop of a building along the way from Byleth’s room to the classrooms but this time she climbed on the rooftop, surprised and caught the assassin from behind. Edelgard and Hubert immediately left the monastery as they heard this, not trusting the sniper to endure torture from the Church and don’t confess who his boss was. And frankly, even though she would have never told Hubert this, she was a bit relieved that it didn’t worked out.

In the end the sniper did confess to bring an end to his pain but the attack on the monastery came even more surprising then last time because the declaration of war from Edelgard arrived the very next day and the army was less than a week behind it.

Thales was enraged that she didn’t find the Holy Tomb, but he couldn’t have known that she already knew where it was. Because of it’s former raid they had more demonic beasts for this battle in her former life but the surprise element and her increased experience as a military leader made up for that.

After Byleth had fallen in the chasm just like last time the next five years went as she expected, but a little bit more successful for her. The Empire put a little bit more of pressure on the Alliance and her “allies” cornered the kingdom loyalists just tad bit more than before. She even tried to hold Garreg Mach as an active military base but had to yield after the majority of her generals and especially Arundel stated their concerns about this project. They thought that the Oghma Mountains divided these “ruins” to much from the main part of Adrestia, that it was too open to attacks from the Kingdom and the Alliance, that the Knights of Seiros would have an advantage due to their knowledge of it’s structure and that such a big base in the mountains would be to difficult to sustain from the Empire without uncontested control of the Bridge of Myrdin.

They could not know how much trouble these “ruins” could cause them. And just as she feared and almost expected (and little bit hoped) the professor once again wasn’t dead but returned to her students the night of the millennium festival. The young Emperor thought she was better prepared this time with sending way sooner a way bigger army than last time, but the former Blue Lions students somehow withered that storm without losses on their side. The soldiers that actually were able to escape the feral prince’s clutches spoke of a battle that seemed in their favor at the beginning but that shifted with time more and more due to several extremely risky, but also farsighted, absolutely precise and lethal blows coming from the enemy commander and the her most elite fighters.

That and the destruction incarnate that was Prince Dimitri.

Edelgard tried several more times to suffocate this small but rapidly growing army. In Ailell, on the Bridge of Myrddin, by the cursed goddess she even aided Cornelia defending Fhirdiad!

Cornelia!

At least something good came out of this life. Near the end she was finally able to remember a part of her life before all of that. Before her ambitions, before her pain, as she was just a girl. Naive, ignorant, insignificant, but happy and with a real friend.

But even though she knew she must not just let this former friend win. She was devoted to her path and had sacrificed to much for it, above all else her humanity… might as well lose the appearance too, right?

But even the powers of her unholy and disturbing Hegemon transformation was no match for the other person “blessed” with the Crest of Flames and her trained students.

So here she was kneeing before them on the ground. Her dreams would never come to fruition as second chances may be granted but third chances? Why would anyone regardless who it was that resurrected her do it again after all that happened these last few years?

So when Dimitri wanted to spare her she acted like all these years before, attacking to bring an end to all of this and in reflex the spear run her through.

In just a few moments she was dead and heard Dimitri’s voice no more… until he shouted at her that she had to hurry herself or else the bandits would get them.

The following hours Edelgard felt all the feelings at once. Relief, joy, confusion, frustration and little bit of panic and desperation as she was never a huge fan of things she couldn’t control and traveling back in time whenever she died for whichever reason was definitely on that list.

But after a while the heir-once-more came to the conclusion that she had to use this chance once again.

And the most valuable chance was the one persuade Byleth to be her teacher, to join her side, to walk her path together. Edelgard was using all means available to ensure that Byleth would choose the Black Eagles, she talked to her a lot, feigned great interest in her hobbies, fighting, fishing, gardening and sometimes cooking as she already knew and had Byleth’s very first tea session with her, once of many as she was sure Byleth would grow to love these just like the last to times. It also wasn’t like Edelgard detested her hobbies or anything, she enjoyed pretty flowers, tea for relaxing and was well accustomed to training. But training was solely a tool to get stronger and strength was in turn a tool to fulfill her vision.

Otherwise she still wasn’t very good at cooking and also thought of fishing as a massive waste of time, also there is this thing with water.

In the end Byleth did decide to teach the Black Eagles but it was obviously not an easy choice for her. She almost spend as much time with the students of the other classes as with the Black Eagles but with time a special bond of trust connected her to her class.

And especially to her top-student Edelgard. The princess made sure to use her natural abilities and the combined knowledge of two years of Garreg Mach more than a decade of first hand military experience to excel at any given task and hopefully impress her dear teacher.

But she also couldn’t help but challenge Byleth almost constantly. She tried to reason with herself that only through being challenged one could go grow and that Byleth, despite being a natural, still was an inexperienced at teaching once again after all.

But that only made her own questions seem all the more unfair to even herself when she asked Byleth on how to handle different problems of war logistics that she herself struggled with at least for the first three or so years.

Or when she sometimes, as if on reflex, pointed out problems or other unrealistic views on war in Bylthe’s teachings and thus put her lessons almost into disarray, even though Edelgard knew that the new teacher only had hours of reading textbooks to go by.

Luckily Byleth wasn’t mad at her because of this (at least not visibly at least, who knows how that woman is working inside) and Edelgard was happy to say that Byleth probably spend more time with her than any other student outside of the lessons. And Edelgard enjoyed everyone of these moments wholeheartedly.

What made her feelings even more confusing however was that even in their most happiest tea times or training sessions Edelgard still felt those feelings. A feeling of frustration, bitterness and hostility crept itself in the back of her mind when it came to Byleth. She hated these very thoughts but the repeated nightmares now also of the fights she had with Byleth in the past and the phantom pain of where her damn blade tore itself into her body are fighting against her. Byleth noticed this but Edelgard wasn’t ready to tell her, to admit whatever it was. How was she supposed to even explain this to anyone? Let alone the person that inflicted these pains in a past future?!

It definitely also wasn’t helping that Rhea once again had a massive interest in the former mercenary and subsequently spend a lot of time with her. Always with excuses from Rhea that these were just “business meetings” which was obviously rubbish considering how much more time she “needed” for these things with Byleth comparing to Manuela and Hanneman.

Edelgard knew she had to open at least a bit about her vision for Fodlan and herself if she wanted for Byleth to walk with her. After all how could Byleth decide to follow her when she could not trust her or understand why she would do these things.

But being in the central of the Church’s power in Garreg Mach or being accompanied by the overly zealous Knights of Seiros on missions made criticizing the Church (or just telling the story from a different point of view than the one of the Church) difficult. And even telling Byleth these things was risky as she often didn’t quite understood why certain topic when dealing with people that were quick with condemning things as blasphemy and there was also danger of her telling Rhea, or Byleth just asking the Archbishop about it.

And telling her teacher about herself was even more difficult. There was so much that she wanted to say and yet so much that could never convince herself to confess. She knew had to and she wanted to tell Byleth what happened to her, the only real person she could confide in, say what motivates her, the awful things that broke and killed her younger self and ruined hers and families life. But there was always the thought of “What if she just uses what you say to her against you? The stories of the weak emperor that couldn’t even safe anyone of her dearest.” She hated these thoughts, she needed to trust Byleth, with her life even.

But even though most just didn’t came out and when revealed herself as the Flame Emperor there was only a short moment of hesitance until Byleth drew her sword and stared her.

From then on everything just… fell apart in the young Emperors head. In the other two wars Edelgard could convince herself that Byleth wasn’t the lapdog of the Church that she appeared as, the leader of those that in five years of war didn’t found a single other purpose than to “Search for Lady Rhea”. They weren’t fighting for any kind of justice that contradicted her own, their whole blind focus in the world was just this one person that they saw above everyone else.

But Byleth wasn’t like that. She wasn’t there because of some blind love for a beast. She was there for her students, something Edelgard could respect. At least she thought that. But this time she choose the Church and only the Church. No Dimitri that really needed the help with himself (she saw the difference in him between on Gronder and before Enbarr) and no charming Claude that had his own real visions for the world.

No. This time she became her greatest enemy that would not stop until Edelgard burns on a pyre.

During these five years Edelgard concentrated much of energy on hunting down the Knights of Seiros while they searched for the Archbishop like pets for their master. In the end the rest of them gathered under the once more returned Byleth as their new Archbishop and found enough nobles that feared to lose their wealth and luxurious life to support them, while they let the Alliance and the Kingdom Army under Claude and Dimitri deal with the dirty work on Gronder, which where butchered really. Edelgard thought she would fight here against Byleth once again and brought her everything. But without the enigma that was the former professor even the so incredibly “honorable” Knights of Faerghus and the “Master Tactician” of Derdriu suffered a severe loss.

In the end it didn’t matter. Even though Edelgard won the battle the opposing armies did their bit of damage and the Knights of Seiros came afterwards to collect the easy pickings, which in this case would be the heads of her and everyone that supported her in her “blasphemy”.

Byleth stood very much the same way she did when Edelgard died for the first time, with her hovering above the fallen emperors head. But other than last time she didn’t looked at Byleth with this feeling of regret, sadness and relief but with something more akin to hostility and angst that maybe time wouldn’t be reversed once again. The last thing Edelgard wanted was to turn the continent of Fodlan into a complete theocracy ruled solely by the Church now that all the forces on the continent where destroyed.

But even though there was still this part of Edelgard that just wished she knew what is going behind these eyes of her.

These were the Emperors last thoughts in this life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was chapter two. As you can probably tell this fanfiction is very much inspired by other ones in which Byleth resets time many times, usually to stop Edelgard or safe all the students and fails at this until she becomes desperate or frustrated enough to change things a bit or try something new. 
> 
> I thought what if that happens with El, will she react the same? Different? Stronger? 
> 
> Well only the next chapter will how she deals with infinite lives but you can of course leave your guess in the comments. :)
> 
> Don't forget to leave Kudos or comments if you enjoyed it, as these help A LOT and are greatly appreciated!


	3. Keep trying, keep dying, never stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The descend of Edelgard von Hresvelg through her many lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are with chapter 3, the last "prologue chapter" and also probably the most interesting chapter in this story, at least for me (don't actually quite know yet, haven't written them yet) 
> 
> Also this chapter marks the lowest point of Edelgard's mental state, but don't worry it will get better eventually. 
> 
> Until later and don't forget to leave comments!

The next few lives:

When Edelgard found herself yet again face first into the mud before Remire she was sure that this was thing now. It was like waking up after a nightmare, only that she could fully remember it of course. She was actually very thankful that she was granted more tries, maybe even unlimited tries and that thought made her almost giddy. 

Who cares if _this_ woman chooses her or not, with time on her side she will win regardless eventually. The princess also didn't need to be rescued by the mercenary anymore. She could beat a stupid bandit like Kostas everyday with a knife against his plump axe. And when these other two fools tried to win the emotionless woman to their side, Edelgard remained perfectly polite and neutral, as it was expected from her, and while Byleth would just be another foe to fight eventually it would amount to nothing to actively agonize her this early on (even though her feelings almost convinced her otherwise). 

The academy became easier with every year of attendance. Every new try meant the need to train once more her musculature and her muscle-memory but she still had the experience and the technique to downright pummel everyone in the academy that tried to challenge her. Even Byleth became less and less of an obstacle in training and was clearly overwhelmed in the mock battle by the noble, granting the Black Eagles a victory early in the year. That said in the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion and beyond it was back to Edelgard used to remember her encounters with Byleth with the mercenary always one step ahead of her and always seemingly predicting of what Edelgard would do before she even thought about. 

There was little to nothing that Manuela could teach her student at this point and through Manuela's antics and flaws it was ridiculously easy to complete any homework that she could give her or to show of a bit of already superior knowledge to avoid such nonsense altogether. Time better spend helping her classmates with their problems, training or homework and since she knew everyone of them for many years by now even her in the past stressful responsibilities as class leader were now easily done. 

And with that she sometimes felt something new: boredom, or rather a feeling not knowing what to do with the day. And subsequently she, being admittedly a workaholic, decided to increase her talents in all the ways possible. When in the other lives Edelgard wasted huge amounts of time trying to fraternize with the professor, Dimitri or Claude she now could put all that time to real use. As the only person she could really rely on was herself. Combat with axes, swords and the leading of battalions as well as fighting with heavy armor were her greatest talents so she first focused on these. But after awhile she also studied reason and even faith magic, learned the usage of bows and the combat with lances and Gauntlets and even mastered riding and flying on a very high level.

It was certainly easier when you have more time than anyone else to make your talents absolutely perfect. Edelgard came to the conclusion that being a Wyvern-Lord gave her far more advantages than wearing this slow (but still beautiful) armor of the Emperor into battle and also learned as probably the first Wyvern-Lord ever to use magic simultaneously to axes. The hardest topic to grasp for her was faith magic as she had zero real faith in the goddess or the Church for that matter, but Linhardt also wasn't pious even from long shot and still good with faith magic. He told her that one just needs to find their own thing in what they have faith in to power up the spell and that the religion of the Church is just the by far most common source. 

But finding such a thing was easier said than done, unfortunately. Edelgard really had ask herself in what she had faith in really. 

Herself? Linhardt told her faith in ones own abilities doesn't work unfortunately. 

Her classmates? Everyone of them could be persuaded by Byleth to become her enemy at any given day in the year of school. 

Byle-? No, definitely never that fickle mercenary. 

But after a while she found a source for herself. Her _path,_ or rather the belief of a better world that lies at end of this path. 

More lives later:

On one morning Edelgard awakened with a realization that made her not comfortable at all: she couldn't say for sure she already lived trough. lt surely had to be seven, right? Or eight, or ninth? No matter, she would not allow herself to need any more tries. But it was soooo infuriating. Everything went fine on almost all tries, she kept her plans hidden, conquered Garreg Mach, put the Alliance and the Kingdom under pressure to slowly force them more and more back. She didn't even need to use these ugly demonic beasts most of the time!

And then, like all times **she** appears and everything turns to the wrong side. Her army is forced back, her class mates killed and even demonic beasts which she always tried to avoid were suddenly not even enough anymore to put things back under control. Especially bad were the lives in which Byleth weren't even put into slumber and fought against her from the very beginning of the war, bringing it (and her) to a much swifter end. The source of her problems wasn't her or the empire or her regular foes, it was just that **DAMN** **MERCENARY** and the secrets of the Church! 

In conclusion Edelgard spend whole lifetimes only with gaining knowledge about the world and unraveling the secrets of her teal haired rival. All to find the reason of why she just can't beat her and a weak point she could exploit. There just had to be one, there must be one or..., or..., Edelgard doesn't really know what she would do then. 

With time she also unraveled more or less along the way the secrets of the other regular players and when she realized of what these people were hiding she almost wanted to face-palm herself. In hindsight it was obvious that Claude is a high noble of Almyra, Seteth and Flayn are Cichol and Cethlann, Byleth had the powers of the goddess through Rhea, who was Seiros and the _Immaculate One_ and who wanted to use the professor as a vessel for Sothis etc. Her own secret identity the _"Flame Emperor"_ also wasn't her best idea, she had to admit. Not only was the name and the colors a pretty good clue to who is behind that mask but it's ominous appearance also wasn't helping in gaining more allies. But apparently it was still good enough to fool these morons who were also so incredible obvious with their own secrets. 

Then in one night after Edelgard had spend once again way too many hours in the library that day to be feeling productive and because of her sleeping issues, she saw it this rare and obviously very old book and depiction of the goddess Sothis not only as the progenitor goddess but also with powers over the flow of time within it. 

Always it is time! Time was what she didn't had and what forced her hand in her first life, now she had to relive the same moments of time over and over and now time became once again the greatest thorn in her side. 

At that, Edelgards world broke down. She is so unbelievably **stupid!** Of course when she has time powers due to her crest, Byleth, who bears the Crest of Flames as well also probably had some. But it seems that Byleth's powers are more useful than hers though, as she seems to able to just go back in time whenever she wants to do so and don't has to go to the very beginning. With this everything made sense then. Why Byleth was always able to predict every move of her enemy, why she never fell into any trap or why she avoided every assassination attempt on her life. Edelgard figured out the reason why she couldn't beat her, but it was no trick she could prevent or tactic she could adapt like she expected, it was just... power. A power with possibilities that manifold and impossible to stop that it really _is_ like fighting against a **goddess**. How was she supposed to win against something like this? And with that it was like she was being swallowed by vortex made out of darkness with no light to guide her out of it. 

No light, but maybe a fire? That's right she is still Edelgard von Hresvelg after all and had always be ready to fight even the goddess herself if that is what it's needed to bring Fodlan's new dawn. Who cares that she don't know yet how counter this insane ability, she would find a possibility, who cares that it would probably cost her decades again until she would finally beat her, she would accept it. 

After some very interesting conversations with Professor Hanneman she learned that apparently it is possible to enhance the usability of crests, albeit so very slowly that almost no one had the discipline to actually keep up with the years of training required. But that was no problem, as long as there is a goal for her to pursue she was willing train as long as necessary. He also suggested meditating with a little bit of fighting or magic training as the best way to achieve this. 

With time Edelgard realized that meditating wasn't so bad, actually. It gave her calming pauses in her schedule of training, fighting, socializing and plotting. Especially as her nights were even worse than her days and stole every other kind of rest from her. 

Another factor, while sometimes a bit exhausting, were her class mates. Even in her first life she considered them as close to friends as someone could be with her but now after many years of academy and war they were more like a new family to Edelgard and quite frankly they were also a major reason in why she didn't broke down already) even though the princess had to accept that they all could be seduced by that mercenary during the academy days to betray her. Edelgard wouldn't hold it against them in the other lives in which they sided with her, that would be just unfair (also it would completely destroy any concept of trust for her). 

Many years after starting her crest-training Edelgard felt it for the first time in the battle against the bandits before Remire. The world was flowing and rushing and freezing around her for the blink of an eye, right before Byleth shoved her to the side parry the incoming strike. She gained the ability to sense when Byleth used her powers and it was invaluable for the second part of her plan. 

So when Lord Lonato once again started his rebellion she asked the Blue Lions professor Byleth if she could "help" them. And with that she means accidentally endanger herself multiple times on purpose. Knowing that Byleth wouldn't let her die as long as she can turn back time, she wanted to test if there was limit to Byleth's abilities. Unfortunately Byleth always saved her with her powers but something different, very interesting happened, Ashe Ubert got a life-threatening injury while cursed loudly and obviously strained herself to but was unable to do _something,_ turning back the hands of time, Edelgard knew. Ashe struggled for days with his life until it was clear he would survive and Byleth hardly even spoke to Edelgard after this incident, but this was more than okay. She knew then Byleth's abilities have their limits in frequency, that she was conquerable, that her future was obtainable. 

Many, **many** lives later:

"Why can't I **WIN?! Why** can't this mercenary just let me finally, finally **WIN!?** Edelgard thought with with a mix of anger, frustration, sadness and despair. Her body once again succumbed to the attacks of her enemies. Dimitri, Claude and, of course, Byleth stood tall before her hunched over form. Bitterness was in all of their faces, especially so in Dimitri's and it was clear the Emperor wouldn't receive any mercy even if she begged for it, not that she did or wanted it. Edelgard expected this with all the atrocities she committed on Fodlan in this life. 

When Edelgard tried to put her new knowledge about Byleth's powers to use, it was once again not enough. It was never enough. She tried to crush them with a vastly superior amount of troops, but they just retreated and went into using guerilla-tactics to commit small damage on her forces until they could be overpowered, she tried to immediately change her orders whenever she felt Byleth's powers being activated, but these were just different, not necessarily better. In the end she often managed to achieve small accomplishments like killing an enemy general, even former students of Byleth's classes, but what was the life of one Kingdom, Alliance or Church general compared to the loss of a whole Adrestian army including several generals and her class mates?! 

She tried everything. She tried everything several times and it didn't work. She realized with horror that she actually begun to see her class mates more and more like valuable chess pieces instead of friends or family, especially Hubert as he was so willing to be that and always seemed happy like that... but that wasn't what she wanted for them or him! She wanted to create a better world with them and for them, didn't she?

But that would mean winning first and winning required sacrifice as her not fully committed tactics until now obviously yielded no results and she always lost. How many times now? 40? 50? 60? More? She couldn't even begin to guess but way more than her sanity could withstand probably. 

Neither the teachers nor the books in Garreg Mach couldn't teach her anything anymore so she begun studying the technology of the Agarthans. Arundel of course were hardly willing to give her so much intel, so she responded by killing all of the ruling Agathans in a coup. It didn't work the first time but the amount of knowledge she got was overwhelming in it's possibilities. Over decades she learned their accomplishments in science until she was able to construct their tools and weapons herself. She briefly wondered if she could bring her better world by using these technologies in time of peace... But no, this line of thought is ludicrous, defeating Byleth first is much more important, that her faith magic became weaker and weaker be damned. 

She actually hadn't used _everything_ until now. And in this life she just wanted to see if it is possible to defeat Byleth at all. With this single goal in mind she first raised the taxes and practically stole the food from the farmers and began a mass forced conscription to feed and fund her armies with which she then smashed any opposition be it from the nobles or the poor peasantry. These soldiers soon became accomplices in these crimes and with that unable to leave her side. When a few of her class mates went into her political opposition she moved them to the front lines. But the real horror began when she used her new tools. There was whole new industry of producing demonic beasts and every army who got in the Emperors way was eradicated with Javelins of Light. 

It was still not enough against Byleth. The demonic beasts were, while strong, no match for the skill and the tactics of the fell star and her students and when she ordered the destruction of the enemy war camp via a Javelin of Light she was informed of a sudden relocation in the middle of the night of said camp. At the end of her reign Fodlan was looking ravaged, with countless bandits, destroyed villages and towns and many new Valleys of Torment. 

And now Dimitri, Claude and Byleth would punish her for this cruelty, but why care for the suffering of the world when the only one who would remember all of this would be her anyways? 

Spoken like true merciless tyrant, even she recognized that but she also knew that she is not ruler suited for times of peace and mercy anyways, her mind was too destroyed from an eternity of preparing wars and fighting a wars. 

When Dimitri ran her through with his glowing lance and his eyes full of hate and she once again found herself in front of the gates of Remire and Dimitri once again Dimitri called out to her to hurry herself or else bandits would get her, she realized...

she realized... 

she realized, that she didn't want to hurry herself. She also didn't want to fight anymore anyone, even these bandits that definitely deserved to be taken out. 

she realized that she didn't want to do anything at all anymore. Including existing. And with that in mind she grabbed her dagger, 

"Edelgard there are too many of them to fight them head on! Especially with just a dagger! Edelgard..?" Dimitri called out once again,

and slid her throat. 

"Edelgard wha- El... what are y- EDELGARD!?" Dimitri was shocked and horrified and even Claude looked completely taken off guard, his quick wit not working this time at all. She would have felt sorry Dimitri if not her entire life was consisting of fighting him until one of them both is dead. 

In her last moments of bleeding out she wondered if this would actually be the end and strained every muscle in her body to prevent her power from activating. She did feel sorry for her class mates though, the most would be able to continue on, they hardly even knew at this point after all, but Hubert would be completely destroyed and she could only what he would do after hearing this. She also felt sorry for her father losing even his last child. No one would be able to understand this action, the people that were dead or cursed her name a minute ago now are living and don't even who she is. Maybe she would be declared mad post-mortem, maybe her uncle would use this incident to start his war anyways, but all of this wasn't her place to worry anymore. And with forcing her body one last time to her will she finally, finally saw...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, not the best cliffhanger but I am just not such a big fan of overly long chapters so I ended it here. 
> 
> Also from next chapter forward Edelgard will have more of an actually acting role instead of a primarily remembering role. 
> 
> Leave comments if you liked it and until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was the first prologue chapter. I hope that you will give the next chapters a chance as the story just really starts there.
> 
> Like I said all kudos and comments are appreciated and you can also check out my other work "The Progena of Garreg Mach" wihich is half a cross over which I intended to be also understandable for those who are not into Warhammer, and half a Dimigard story. 
> 
> See you soon hopefully!


End file.
